Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Tired

Our new place is pretty nice. I am still angry with my old landlord for what they did. I am trying to let go of my anger but I also wish they would have something bad happen to them well at least something similar. Well at least the false accusations. 
 We have laws for a reason. If only they followed it and went by the law. Right now I am a little scared about money. I wish I could just have some luck for once. 
 I wish I was not so tired everyday from work and my feet were not so swollen. Their is a lot of health issues I have that I keep to my self. 
Tonight I am just so tired and full of wish for things to be different. Maybe it will be one day. It would be nice if people at home would help a little. 
I feel so unappreciated tonight and even more so at work.
Sighhhh!!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

People watching

You know Jerry Seinfeld had it so right when he talked about people.
I see so many different people at work, I can't help but laugh.
I get the mumblers at work. They mumble everything they say and i have to keep saying excuse me what was that?
You also get the low talkers. It's like they only have so much air that they talk softly or they will run out.

Then you have they cowboys, with their yes ma'am and funny sayings. I seem to pick up a lot of their quirky words. This of course causes my family to laugh at me and tell me I been living in a small town too long. I guess everyone don't say things like " that don't cream my corn" and "wow that will pop the corn right off his cob".

It's not just words and tones.
There is the drummers. They hand you their money and even thou it takes you seconds really to give them their change they start drumming on the counter as if it's been a lifetime.
With that comes the " I am in a hurry people" they give you dirty looks while they wait in line. Like it's your fault the person checking out is taking so long to punch in their pin number for debit. Or when you are not right their behind the counter when they are ready. They are so gruff with you. What they don't understand is I have other things to do besides stand their waiting for someone. It only takes a second for me to walk over there be patient and yes guess what I do to use the bathroom. You may find that once in awhile I do need to go their and yes it will take me a few minutes cause yes I do wash my hands. Really would you want it any other way.

What I can stand is the just roll out of bed people. I often wonder how people can go to the store in pajama's not comb their hair and even worse not brush their teeth. I wonder a lot would it be rude to keep mints by me and offer them to them so I don't need to hold my breath so long.

Next I think we go over the people who can't hand you their money right. I mean really do you think reaching in to your pocket and throwing dollar bills all balled up is nice. Yet you give me looks because I am wasting your time trying to un crumple them. If you are in such a hurry be prepared and please hand me the money don't throw it on the counter especially one by one. I wonder what you would do if I returned your change the same way.

The big tippers are next in line or lack their of anyway. I mean I know I am not getting tips for ringing you up, but please with that don't say you can keep the penny for your tip. Just ask me to put it in the penny plate and not all it my tip or big tip with a laugh. While speaking of tips when you play the slots I know tips are optional. But please when you win 6000.00 really you should tip even a few dollars would be nice.

Last but not least is the ignores. You come in ignore me as if I don't exists. You either talk on your cell , with people you are with or even worse no one or anything to distract you yet you still don't say a word. I say hi how are you today you say nothing. I say is this all for you and you say nothing still. Finally I ask debit or credit today you don't even answer that. Do you know how rude that is I guess you are too important to acknowledge my presence.

Well I am done ranting now, at least people watching makes the day a little funner. Well just a little!

Bleach my mind!

Do you ever want to pour bleach on your brain?
Erase all the bad memories?
Things that sneak up in the stillness and replay over and over.
Creating a tidal wave of doubt and pain.
A small voice is screaming to change your thoughts, start thinking of something else.
But the pain already has it's hold.
It's black grip with a tight hold.
It's friend Sadness come bursting in to take over the whole body.
Creating a river of tears to hold all the sorrow.
Where did my self worth go?
Where it the warm embrace of love.
Did you see who turned off the lights?
Why is there only darkness in my world.
I know I should flip that light switch back on.
But I can't cause here comes more thoughts.
It knocks me down stealing the breath from my lungs.
I feel forever lost in the darkness.
Forever sad.
Who I was is gone.
Who I want to be had died.